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When your soul dies

there are no tears when your soul dies
no mourning, no sorrow, nothing
there is only the notion that
these things should be there, but aren't
there is only a picture of the sadness
you know you should feel
projected on the walls of your mind
but without your soul you can't feel anything
only fear and anger remain
for they are physical
all else is void
you are merely a robot
there is only the avoidance
of physical pain and stress
and the seeking of pleasure
there are only physical drives
you do all things because you have to
but you are not motivated
not deep down inside where it matters

perhaps your soul died of a wound
a wound to your conscience
when it said stop but you didn't
when it said don't but you did
it was trampled and buried
by physical indulgence
when you knew something was wrong
but you did it anyway
and ignored your soul's pain
it was wounded
when you sought only pleasure
over and over again
and ignored its pain
over and over again
then you realized your life was empty
you called your soul to battle
but it did not respond
it had become too weak to fight
and died without a murmur,
neglected to death
and now you feel nothing

perhaps you starved it to death
abused, misused, your cries unheard
you couldn't bear the pain
it felt safer to be dead
then you found that place
deep inside, in darkness
a place where you do not have
to be alive, to feel the pain
you banished your soul in there
ignoring all its muffled cries
locked in that black dungeon
you were safe from the pain
but it was cut off from hope, love, joy
all things that keep souls alive
then one day your situation changed
and you decided it was safe to call it out
but it did not respond
it had become too weak to fight
and died without a murmur,
neglected to death
and now you feel nothing

Kevin Ranville

Author's note